Spider Slayer

Yes I apologise now, but I do kill big spiders if I’m able to and I don’t pass out with fear first.

I’ve been nicknamed The Resident Spider Slayer on Twitter by the wonderful author ‘Angela Caperton’, because over the past 3 days, me and my partner have seen 4 big spiders, 3 of those in the house.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Childhood Fear

I can’t sit or sleep in a room if I know that there is a spider on the loose. It really sends the chills running up my spine and I think I have my mother to blame for my spider fear.

When I was about 8 yrs old, I was sitting in the living room one night, quietly watching the television when all of a sudden, my mother jumps up on the couch in a screaming hysterical rant.

‘SPIDER! SPIDER!’

I bet my eyes grew to the size of saucers as I copied her and stood up on my chair, examining the carpet for the eight legged monster, while still listening to my mother wail.

All of a sudden, a heavy book landed on the carpet with a sickening thud and I swear down to this day that I heard the spider go crunch. I didn’t need my ranting mother to scream about the sound it made. It wasn’t enough for her that she had killed it. She was ready to cart me and my sisters off to a hotel for the evening, because she couldn’t lift the book up, let alone remove the remains.

It stayed there until a kind neighbour removed it for her.

The Spider Mop Affair

Since getting my own place, I’ve had to learn to tackle these hideous creatures.  Small ones, I can put up with just about.  I’ve even managed to put them in cups and put them outside, but the big ones with horrid legs and fat bodies, no way!

A few years ago, I was in the process of decorating my living room, which meant the walls were bare and there were no curtains up. It was night time and my living room backs onto the main street.  I got up from the couch and I spotted it out of the corner of my eye. It was humongous, right above the window. The entire world could see me and I couldn’t see them, but I just froze in fear with a cold sweat starting. What was I going to do?

The Spider Mop made its first appearance and has been a faithful friend ever since. It keeps one at arm’s length should you accidentally miss the horrid creature.

I ran for the ‘Spider Mop’ and returned to find the ‘thing’ still there above the window. I kept my eyes on it while I steadily opened the window wide, because I needed somewhere to throw the mop if successful.

Time to hit the sucker!

I climbed up on the couch, in full view of everyone who might have been looking in. I held the mop steadily while daring myself to smack it hard. I knew that there was a strong chance that I would only catch its leg and that it would run or even worse, fall on the floor and go missing.

The sweat had now broken out on my forehead as I remained poised with the mop in the air, daring myself to smack it. After about 5 minutes I knew that I had to take my chance.

SMACK!!!!

I held the mop on the wall where I had hit it. Heartbeat was pounding in my chest as I stared to see if I could see any of the spider’s legs moving and guess what? Three legs appeared!

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

I held the mop on the wall for about another 5 minutes and I didn’t care if people were watching me. I slowly moved the mop and saw no movement while I directed the mop to the open window. I then threw the mop outside and it never came back in.

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One Comment:

  1. Amanda, you have inspired me! The next time that spindly legged insect shows itself, I will employ your 3-Smack technique and take it out!

    Keep up the vigil, my friend. Big spiders of the world take note: Stay the hell outside!

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